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The Day a Depression Scale Spoke Louder Than My Thoughts
Faraz Ali
October 18, 2025
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I didn’t mean to take a depression test. It just showed up one night while I was scrolling through articles about mental health. The title said something about the Center for Epidemiologic Studies Depression Scale, which sounded too official, too scientific for how I was actually feeling.
Still, curiosity won. It was twenty simple questions. No big words, no deep psychology talk. Just small, honest things like:
“I felt lonely.”
“I had trouble sleeping.”
“I couldn’t get going.”
I started answering them half-seriously, half-sarcastically. But somewhere in the middle, it got quiet. The sarcasm faded. I realized every box I checked was another way of saying, I’m tired, and I don’t know why.
When a Number Feels Too Real
When I finished, the scale gave me a number.
It wasn’t a diagnosis, just a score.
But seeing it hit something inside me that words hadn’t touched in a long time.
I sat there staring at the screen.
I thought about how often I say “I’m fine” out of habit.
How often I keep moving just to avoid slowing down long enough to feel what’s underneath.
The number didn’t tell me anything new.
It just confirmed what I’d been trying to outrun.
Sadness Doesn’t Always Look Sad
We like to imagine depression as dramatic — tears, breakdowns, staying in bed all day.
But for many of us, it’s quieter than that.
It’s losing interest in things that used to light us up.
It’s scrolling for hours because silence feels heavier than noise.
It’s answering messages with “yeah, all good” because explaining would take too much energy.
The CES-D scale didn’t ask me why I felt that way. It didn’t care about reasons. It just asked, is this how it’s been?
And for once, I told the truth.
Being Seen Without Judgment
There’s something strangely comforting about a test that doesn’t try to fix you.
It doesn’t say, you should feel better or you’re overreacting.
It just notices what’s there.
Maybe that’s what so many of us need — not more advice, but more noticing.
Someone (or something) to say, hey, I see you. You’ve been carrying more than you think.
A Quiet Realization
That night, I didn’t make any big promises to myself.
I didn’t decide to change my life, go to therapy immediately, or delete social media.
I just sat with the truth for a moment — that I wasn’t okay, and that’s okay to admit.
Sometimes awareness itself is the first small act of healing.
If You Ever Take That Test…
If you ever come across the CES-D scale, or any questionnaire like it, don’t treat it like a final answer.
Treat it like a flashlight, one that helps you see parts of yourself you’ve stopped noticing.
And if that light reveals a little sadness, don’t turn away from it.
It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It just means you’re human.
One Last Thought
That night, a depression scale spoke louder than my thoughts.
Not because it gave me a label, but because it gave me permission.
Permission to stop pretending.
Permission to feel.
Permission to begin, slowly, to care agaiVisitn.
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